All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
