After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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