hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
