the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
