I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
