If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
