Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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