So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize