i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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