3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
