The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
