clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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