..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
