Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
