My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
