they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
