First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
