last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
