lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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