I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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