Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
