We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
