why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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