blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
