if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
