the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need to align my fucking chakras
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