this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
