This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
