I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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