We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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