i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
