he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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