Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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