At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
