Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
