Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
