I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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