Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
