i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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