my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
