Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
