I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
