I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
