He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
