Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
