ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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