I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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