The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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