Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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