May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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