Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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