Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
