i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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