I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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