scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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