i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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