the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
