Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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