i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
