That's intense
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
