when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
