Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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