Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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