Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
