So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
