NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
