we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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