You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
