Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
