My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
