i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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