Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
