Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
