Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
