Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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