I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
