I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
