Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
