Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
