in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
